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Tuesday 5 May 2020

Lockdown Realizations

We've been in lockdown for quite a while now, to save ourselves and others.
The lockdown will eventually be lifted and we may look back at this time as the best or the worst time of our lives. The time that we took to reset our body, mind and soul or time we wasted on unproductive actions and thoughts. Time we took to reconnect old ties, forge new ones or time we bled on relentless con-calls and news marathons. Time we took to bring out smiles or time spent crying over endless chores. It all depends on how you look at it. 

Some lockdown realizations that come to mind, 

That you are a better maid than your maid.
That the kitchen sink and laundry bag are bottomless pits connected to everlasting bounties of unwashed vessels and clothes.
That the satisfaction of ticking off a chore from your list is rather short-lived.
That you can now fully empathize with your maid when she wants to take two-day weekly offs.
That some chores like dusting and reorganizing cupboards are best left unattended.
That you have aced the art of selective blindness, deafness and postponement.
That the day with chores is longer than the night of rest.

That all things you shopped for earlier, were non-essentials.
That your wardrobe needs an upheaval post-lockdown to more free-flowing dresses on the lines of the nightie.
That the message, "Slots Open now" on the online grocery shopping app can make you go berserk with joy.
That you can regale audiences with narratives from your visit to the kirana dukaan.

That you can never have enough stock of snacks, in-between eats.
That the time you spend cooking a treat is roughly ten times the time it takes to polish it off.
That the more cooking videos you watch, the lesser you cook.
That the onset of con-calls is synchronized to the whistle of the pressure cooker or the roar of the mixie.
That seeing packets of oregano and chilli flakes will bring out tears of nostalgia.

That the better-half is awesome at certain chores and all that's needed to get him to do them, is to keep telling him that.
That hearing, "Dishes are done", can be a real turn-on.
That hearing, "What's for dinner?", can open up your third eye.
That a WFH1 husband is a punishment for a SAHwife.
That you will never again crib about the better-half not spending enough time at home.
That it is a good thing you never had lengthy conversations with the super-busy better-half in all these years. 

That you can create a permanent dent on the couch binge-watching web series.
That no amount of domestic chores are going to balance out the LB3.
That those oil paints and canvases will see the light of day when they are taken to the trash.
That the Zoom Yoga sessions always collide with your nap time or putting up your legs time.
That the thing you need to do most is less interesting than the most flippant activity you ever undertook. 
That your greys will give you no respite, lockdown or otherwise.
That video chats remind you to look at the mirror more often.

That the offspring makes for an ideal lab-rat to test out your hitherto hidden skills as a baker, beautician, barber, labour supervisor, jail warden etc.
That teens at home all day are easy to handle if you've experience dealing with grizzly bears.

That it is trendy to endlessly crib about lockdown blues while endlessly posting lockdown DIY clicks.
That WA university has a larger following than Wikipedia.
That you've have watched more news and tweeted more than you ever thought possible.
That the light at the end of this dark tunnel may actually be a fiery furnace.
That the government doesn't always fail people, sometimes people fail themselves.
That the "masks" people wear are no longer only virtual.

And strangest of all,
That your life hasn't really altered that much from what it was BC4

1 WFH - Work From Home

2 SAH - Stay at Home 
3 LB - lockdown bulges
4 BC - Before Corona
kirana dukaan - grocery store

So dear friends, how are you holding up? Do share your lockdown realizations. 
And Stay Safe :)

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