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| Pic credit: Yohan Wadia artworks |
Bamboozlement
Kindly Mr. Stork had decided to bestow on us young couple
the earliest feasible and legitimate (post-marriage that is!) visit…..
Both of us were befuddled, anxious, excited & ecstatic in the
said order at our rapid promotion from hot couple, made-for-each other bride
and groom to newbie parents-to-be!!
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| Pic credit: World Wide Web |
Bumbling Mr Stork had
probably got wind of the Buy One,Get One
Free Offer then trending in the markets and thoughtfully doled out another
package for delivery via my drama-queen bai
Sarita!!
Surprisingly, Con-gal Sarita had lingered as a part of my household for nearly six months. She could well be
credited with the reason for my home maintaining a spartan look – no
overflowing cupboards or larder – my regular barters with her ensured that!! And
now that we both sailed in the same boat (pl.note: different oarsmen-pun
intended!!), we even shared common woes!
If I waddled, she waddled all the more, though my waddling was far more graceful I believed, as her stick frame could not do justice to this gait - you had to have certain basic minimum body weight to start off with!! She thoroughly manipulated the situation and milked it for all it was worth. My innate humane nature however, let her get away just doing odd chores, while I inducted another ‘helper’ to tide me through the situation and also to eventually take over when the time came for Sarita to leave.
If I waddled, she waddled all the more, though my waddling was far more graceful I believed, as her stick frame could not do justice to this gait - you had to have certain basic minimum body weight to start off with!! She thoroughly manipulated the situation and milked it for all it was worth. My innate humane nature however, let her get away just doing odd chores, while I inducted another ‘helper’ to tide me through the situation and also to eventually take over when the time came for Sarita to leave.
It was soon time to bid adieus to the two moms-to-be. While I joyfully anticipated the stay at my maayka, Sarita was woebegone! She tearfully bid farewell clutching on to a sackful of old clothes (courtesy – my over-enthusiastic relations) and other trinkets I had bought for her, promising to return soon - however I have never laid my eyes on her ever after that day!!
My 3rd Bai-in chief or ‘temp-helper’ as I thought of her initially, an old bai called Sheela (sans jawaani…..couldn’t resist slipping that in!) seemed very capable though brusque and surly.....and with something vaguely disturbing about her manner that I couldn’t pinpoint at that time - when life was at its chaotic best!!
She had been very astutely hand-picked – having four
grown-up children of her own, certainly ensured no maternity leaves in the
future!!
I handed
over the reins to Sheela bai and told
her to take good care of the dear ol’place while I went with a care-free mind
to ‘pop’ my own!!
Whoever coined the phrase, "popping
out babies”, definitely a man, needs to be boxed, black and blue!!
You can 'pop a pill', or
even ‘pop your soda’ man!! But pop out a BABY????!!
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| Pic credit: www |
However once out, the little rosebud was the perfect angel, as if to make up for the trying time she had given me!
Happily enough, after a thoroughly pampering stay at the
parents’ it was soon time for a rather rotund mum n babe to return to base!!
Not digressing further from the main saga or the maid saga I shall get back to our current subject – Sheela bai.
As per the numerous phone calls from the husband, (ladies have you observed, how punctilious husbands become about phone calls when you are away from the mainland? Is it, a. Genuine loneliness, b. to ensure that we are not enjoying ourselves too much in their absence, or c. to make us believe they are pining away while in fact the contrary is true??!!), Sheela bai had been regular, thoroughly business-like, the house ship-shape, plants watered, no problemo!!!
Aye aye Captain!! I was now back
at the helm of home affairs, hitherto the scatter-brained, immature mistress
Ver.1, returning as a new-improved Ver.1.1, with increased clarity (remember my
indoctrination in Bai-Sanskaar?!), maturity
and weight (literally!!)
As I moved back into the dear ol’place
I mused that it looked a tad more spartan than usual. I dismissed the notion as
illusory, being perpetually
used to
viewing all available surfaces back at the parents’ place covered with
baby products and the works!! I proceeded to unpack and swamp the
dwelling with all things
baby, virtually creating our own Nappyland!!
Settled in, a tour
of my kingdom and its priced possessions beckoned. Imagine my shock when I saw
the kitchen bereft of all delicate china - my pride and joy!! Further
inspection led to the discovery of missing brassware in the living-room - that I
always kept displayed spotlessly polished!!!
I was hyperventilating, wondering what had happened to my dear treasures.
Taking deep breaths, I resolved to first confront the ‘acting guardian’ of the
house, ‘Shree Patidev’!
I optimistically speculated that he may have decided to surprise me by spring-cleaning the house, clearing it of all clutter?!! If he thought the clutter included my china & brassware….GRRRR!!!
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| Pic credit : Reiko Kaneko Bone china |
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| Pic credit: Penny Lane Studio |
I optimistically speculated that he may have decided to surprise me by spring-cleaning the house, clearing it of all clutter?!! If he thought the clutter included my china & brassware….GRRRR!!!
Upfront confrontation, led to
a blank-faced husband asking, “What is spring-cleaning? I don’t have my
tool-box!!", and after further enlightenment, “Oh!! Something's missing, is it
? Looks fine to me!!”
That’s what you get for
leaving the home n hearth at the mercies of Husbands & Mercenaries!!
Desperately unhappy, I needed
accountability for the missing treasures. The image of the most-likely suspect rose
from memory, brusque, surly attitude and….shifty-eyes!!! Only now did it flash on me what I had found
disturbing about Sheela bai – Shifty-eyes!!
Seething, I planned how to tackle the pilferer the next morning
when she would turn up for work!! Morning came and went, with no sign of
Sheela. And here I was, all charged up and waiting like a CID pro, armed with dialogues, accusations and missing
items list!! Checking up on her whereabouts with the building security, yielded nada, as apparently, ours was the only
place she worked / operated at!
It was a clear-cut case of day-light
robbery, I surmised and accordingly, called the husband to convey that a burglary had indeed been
perpetrated, the culprit absconding, and it was time to call in the experts. As
fate would have it, husband being bogged in some deadline that could not be
inveigled out of, the visit to the justice-keepers had to be postponed for the
morrow.
Morrow and baby dawned early!
I rose to attend to the baby, and the husband was prodded awake to make himself useful in alien
territory, a.k.a kitchen to us women. The door bell rang, the milkman I guessed, the husband went to answer the door, while I moped that today we would have
to file a complaint about the klepto on loose.
I was dumbstruck at the gall
and insouciance of the miscreant bai, as she entered the bedroom apology
written all over a worn, tired visage. She proceeded to inform me, “Bhabhi, woh parso meri beti ko baccha hua na, toh mai uske saath haspatal me
thi, iske liye kaam pe aane ku nai hua ”, (Bhabhi my daughter had a baby the day before, and I was at the hospital with her, so I
could not come to work) and proceeded to
peer across the bed to have a look at my precious.
Wearing my coldest look (according to the husband, the look I give him when he cracks unfunny wisecracks
about me), I scathed, “Kahan becha mera
peetal aur kitchen ke sundar bartan? (what’s bone-china in hindi?) Accha paisa toh vasool hua na?” (Where
did you sell my brassware and china? Did you make a good profit?)
A cloud passed over her face
and she abruptly left the room. I was too angry and upset to follow her, so I
remained by the baby and counted to ten, then a dozen more tens! Calm enough
now, I ventured out to the living-room where Lo and behold!! The old trunk used
as a side table was lying open with all my missing treasures intact and in
immaculate condition!! A dazed husband holding a colourful rattle in his hand, related
to me that Sheela bai had just informed
him that, knowing how fanatical I was about my cherished paraphernalia, in my
absence, she had dutifully cleaned and polished each piece and packed them inside
the trunk, so that I could rearrange them as I saw fit, when I came back!!
Appalled and guilt-ridden, I rushed down the stairs to apologise for my uncharitable
and unfair accusations!! Sheela had just reached the ground floor on weary old
bones as I caught up with her. I huffed out my apology and begged her to return.
She just smiled and said, “Ek baar vishwaas
aur bharosa toot gaye toh judenga nahi. Vaise bhi mai toh kaam chodhne hi wali
thi, meri nayi naati ko sambhalne ka hai na!” (Once faith and trust are
broken they cannot be repaired. Anyway I was going to quit the work, as I have
to take care of my new grand-daughter!)
I trudged back home in utter self-loath and remorse at my sickening
judgement regarding someone whom I barely knew. How easily we denounce people
based on their looks or social strata! Thankfully sensing my chagrin, husband
just playfully cuffed me with the rattle (Sheela’s gift for my baby) and
remarked,“ Hope you'll drop your sleuthing skills now, they didn’t seem too
accurate anyway…..Shifty-eyes
indeed!!!”
Another bai gone, another lesson learnt! Young bai – gets pregnant – so big
no–no! Old bai – doesn’t get pregnant – gets grandchildren!!!
“Well licchle one”, I crooned, “ V lipeat, old micchtakes n make new vonch, as v gwo worldly wicher
evely day!! Ichn’t it coochie-moochie??” My little daughter acknowledged this sage
truth with a happy gurgle!
Life goes on, and so must I,
no point in brooding further I decided. Resolutely plonking li'l Gurgly on Pa’s
lap, I proceeded to the Intercom. Dubeyji our sexagenarian (perverts: pl look
up the ol’Oxford) Security head, was purported to be a terrific head-hunter, gossip fountain
& a man of connections (basically a Human Google Search Engine in the days
before the advent of internet in every home!) and I was in need of his expert
services - As Soon As Possible (ASAP - not yet invented….Sigh!!!!)
Note: All characters in the Of Bais Gone by - Saga series are fictional. The situations however are inspired from real life. Any resemblance to any character, living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional.
Note: All characters in the Of Bais Gone by - Saga series are fictional. The situations however are inspired from real life. Any resemblance to any character, living or dead is purely coincidental and unintentional.
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