The Good Scare

"Yahan se pachas pachas kos door gaon mein, jab bachha raat ko rota hai, toh maa kehti hai, bete so ja, so ja nahi toh Gabbar Singh a jayega."

Iconic lines, aren't they? Mothers from times immemorial have used, booboo, bogeyman, buddha baba, rakshas, pucchandi and many other characters to get the little ones to listen to them when all other wiles fail. 

While modern parenting psychologists would reprovingly wag a finger against scare tactics of any kind, sometimes that may be the only recourse open to the parent to ensure the child listens to what she is told, especially if it is to prevent her from any potential harm.

My kids grew up listening to a healthy dose of fairytales, epics, folk tales, fables and a few made-up tales. 

You see we had this ritual of story-telling during all meals. It just made the whole affair so much faster! Besides meal-time, we had bedtime stories too. The main difference was, meal-time stories had to be more imaginative and delivered with exceptional raconteuring skills.

So depending on the menu for the day, the stories got more or less embellished. For instance, deep-fried potatoes or pasta didn't require too much effort while cabbage, sprouts, beans etc. required more work.

Bedtime stories in comparison were usually comforting, stress-free, even boring and monotonous...well, sleep-inducing ones, which usually the father seemed to be a pro at!

So my repertoire of stories had to be constantly upgraded as the audience demand for newer, wackier tales grew.

Occasionally, I sneaked in some tales that were a bit scary with the intent of inspiring some good old-fashioned fear to deter the kids from trying anything foolhardy.

The things we parents do in the name of protecting and keeping them safe from harm!🙄

Hey, don't go raising those brows...not until you hear me out!

Well, in the search for new stories to aid the meal-times, there began a series I liked to call: 

True Life Stories (with Morals).

They were supposedly real-life experiences that had taken place in my life or somebody else's. In fact, many of these stories have been passed down through generations.

Of course, it could be that these"real" experiences were majorly dramatized for better story-telling experiences.

In my defence, I'd like to point out that these stories were a hit with my little audience and fussy meal-times were non-existent!

Are you curious as to what these stories were like?

Let me share a few while pointing out that I've just shared the briefest outline of these stories. They were liberally seasoned, garnished and stretched to last the duration of a meal.

1) The boy who never cleaned his shoe

There was this boy who never, ever cleaned his shoes before wearing them, however much his mother reminded him.

One day a scorpion got into the shoe.

The boy slipped on his shoes without tapping it out clean. The scorpion stung him and his foot swelled up and hurt terribly. His parents rushed him to the doctor and after lots of injections and bitter medicines he became alright.

Moral: You must always clean your shoes before wearing them.

You bet this tale ensured the kids knocked the stuffing out of shoes before wearing them!

2) The careless mother

One day this mother is in a hurry to leave for work. She forgets to cover the pan of boiled milk. A lizard scurrying on the ceiling falls into the hot milk and dies. Later, the mother serves the milk to both her children without realizing what has fallen in. The children fall violently sick and have to be rushed to the hospital.

Moral: Never leave eatables uncovered.

I for one can guarantee that once you've heard this story, you'll never ever leave the kitchen without ensuring everything is covered.

3) The boy who got lost

A family goes on an outing. Little boy wanders when the parents are looking elsewhere. He gets lost in the big city and cries a lot. A friendly old man takes him to the police station. After many hours, the parents after searching all over finally reach the police station and find their little boy.

Moral: You must never wander alone in a new place.

This story ensured that my kids never strayed too far on outings or got lost ever!

4) The girl with the pencil

This little girl loved pencils. She kept sharpening her pencils and would watch the sharp points with pride. Her mother told her to stop playing with the sharp pencil especially with her little baby brother around. One day as the girl was writing in her book, little baby sneaked over and took a sharp pencil lying next to his sister. When his sister suddenly turned and screamed at him, the baby got scared and poked himself with the pencil. Thankfully he missed poking his eye but the sharp-pointed pencil gave him a big nick on his chubby cheek. 

Moral: Always be careful with sharp objects.

Nothing better to save the kids from sharp-pointed injuries!

So you get the idea? Scary tales that leave a mark on the psyche but in a good way...I think!

I was wondering what kind of cautionary tales must be doing the rounds nowadays.

I refuse to believe that such tales are out of fashion!

I'd say, the new Gabbar in town being the Corona Virus, parents would be narrating tales like this...

One day a girl went to the market without her mask. A man in the market sneezed. Another lady coughed. The girl came home and in a week's time, she tested positive for COVID.

A man went to work wearing his mask. But he did not bother to clean his hands every time he touched the lift doors, buttons and other surfaces. A week later, he was sick.

Aaaand....so on! You know what? With the number of COVIDIOTS doing the rounds, it would make sense to drill these stories more to such adults than the little ones!

The current COVID situation is throwing up all kinds of small and big horror stories around us. 

Do you think we should use them to sensitize our kids to the seriousness of proper care and precaution? 

As I sign off, let me share this bit of disconcerting trivia...

Some of the most popular English rhymes we croon lovingly to our children are actually pretty creepy! 

You could check out what I am talking about here: 

The Creepy Backstories behind your Favourite Childhood Nursery Rhymes

Cheers, till later!

Copyright © 2020 KALA RAVI

Buns, Pickles, Double Crochet & Me

Whatever happened to Relax-N-Rave? A question not posted anywhere, just a little niggle in my own head.

The ongoing depressing ordeal of a series of lockdowns that are not fun even when unlocked have taken the zeal out of life. I'd given up hopes of writing anything, leave alone it being sensible. Finally, THIS happened. 👇

Warning: This post has references that only true Potterheads will get.

READY OR NOT, EXPELLIARMUS

Yours truly started on this Lockdown journey like anyone else you know...just like the Nobel laureates, nerdy doctors, epidemiologists, brilliant heads of state and nations and the homeless person on the street - barely prepared, ill-equipped, poorly-informed with the vague idea that it was just some new fad that would fizzle out in a week or two. 
In the beginning, I was drunk on Felix Felicis, confident I could take on any kind of challenge. No maid, bring it on I say. I honed my non-existent domestic chores skills to a dazzling shine. I loved the time I had in a maid-free home. New webinars on learning everything I could dream of and more beckoned. A life of possibilities!  

I waxed eloquently about the dire situation even as I baked incessantly - from daily bread, fruit buns, pizza bases, cakes, to exotic croissants. Sweets, savouries, new recipes, old favourites all jostled for time in my already over-packed daily itinerary. I ventured into unchartered territories of pickle and jam-making in the sweltering kitchen even as I mentally lamented the futility of such endeavours, besides of course helping with girth and seat widening. Dame Washalot, Dishalot, Bakealot, Snackalot, Cleanalot...I was virtually unstoppable. 

DARK TIMES

As the Lockdown progressed well into the second month, the Dementors came in, sucking the joy out of everything. I gawked at the images every second person shared on social media of their new-found lockdown prowesses. I had joined the mad race too, knowing fully well how out of depth, races of any kind were for me. Now, only the Duracell bunnies of Lockdown continue on that path. Me? I am just an ol' Eveready, it's a wonder I'd lasted even this long! The crew I'd carefully groomed and fine-tuned to my exacting specifications of sweeping, mopping and scouring charred vessels, in the initial phase of lockdown had grown weary of the tasks. Worse still, even the sight of an empty sink or a well-risen loaf of bread couldn't banish the sinking feeling. Nothing mattered. Gluttony and binge-watching web series seemed the only things worth living for. I cursed the lockdown that had shackled my knights in shining armour - the Online Delivery Agents. Unable to shop physically or virtually was a crippling experience for this shopaholic. Like a billion other folks, I was bitterly complaining about the torture of running the maidless home, which by this time aided by the miserable weather was, I'll swear actually a factory, a sweatshop - where the sweat never stopped flowing and the sink never got empty. 

EXPECTO PATRONUM

I desperately needed the Patronus Charm. The Lockdown eased to Unlock mode. Yay! Emails, SMSes from various sites beckoned me to check them out. Jubilantly gazing at my mobile, I chanted, "Add to Cart" while envisioning my happiest memories - walking in the mall with a laden trolley.

And lo behold...my home, nay, the security cabin of my housing society became like No 4, Privet Drive that gets flooded with owl mails from Hogwarts, only here the security cabin was flooded with a blush-worthy load of parcels from all possible online portals that were delivery-capable. Parcels from Big Basket, Flipkart, Myntra and Amazon, tumbled over each other while the security guard gave up calling home on the intercom announcing this flurry of new deliveries.

Of course, I conscientiously sprayed them all with the disinfectant spray as they landed home and quietly observed them resting in piled quarantine, with a self-satisfied smile. And thus I banished the rotten Dementors. 

HORCRUXES CAN BE GOOD

As the lockdown continued relentlessly, I went deeper on the Dora path. I entered the netherworld of crocheting. I spent hours devouring online videos on crocheting, marvelling the twists and twirls of yarn that I had been squeamish about in my infantile youth. The first parcels from online shopping that I ripped open were the wool yarns. I did tell you, I was on the path unexplored. I took these soft bundles of fluff and vanished into another dimension. I surfaced occasionally when I remembered, I was responsible, and the only one capable of satiating the other inmates' hunger pangs. Mopping, laundry, dish-washing waited in vain for their new-found pal, but I'd found my kindred spirit in crocheting. And crochet, I did! I went at it with unbridled passion and sadly little expertise.  The crochet needle and wool yarn became my Horcruxes. I wouldn't let them out of sight. 
After a fortnight I emerged, a changed person, feeling much like a hermit who comes out of a dark cave after aeons of meditation, of course without much enlightenment but lots of entanglement. The wool yarn for some reason came in some kind of twisted bale that got tangled into knots that could have exasperated Houdini. 
However, I have something tangible to show for from my days of self-ostracization. 
Ahem, a 3'x3' woollen blanket in double crochet! I wonder what I am going do with it. I lovingly drape it on the sweaty torso of my teen and he angrily swats it away.

HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED - psst...XJ

While we don't know how or what exactly triggered this horrible pandemic, there is little doubt where this horror came from. Adding more fuel to the flame are scary rumours of an impending war, initiated by...you know who!
Till date, no one is sure when or if we will ever be rid of this awful viral pandemic. However, it is a good thing that the misery is a global one hence a possible resolution or mass exodus seems inevitable, yeah "Do or Die" with loads of company isn't all that bleak a proposition, is it? After all, "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure," right? 😢☹️


The other day I walked to the market just because I was allowed to. Geared in a mask, goggles and hair net, clutching a sanitizer bottle, I was back home in ten minutes, drenched in sweat, totally panicked and paranoid! I could imagine how a domesticated cow would feel if it was released into the wild Savannah. But, I guess this ol' cow will develop a thick hide and morph into a wild bison eventually. 
Till then, let me indulge the businesses of Big Basket et al while I am still not brave enough to let in Swiggy et al.
Now, let me hustle, I have a bucket load of washing to do, you know...the veggies and fruits I just bought right after I boil the used masks. That reminds me, I gotta browse that jaw-dropping array of fancy face masks. I wonder if I can get away with the leopard print ones or maybe I should stick to the neon stripes?

Don't let the Muggles get you down, will ya? And if they do, remember to turn on the light.

Cheers!❤️

You could also read my post on Lockdown Realizations.

Copyright © 2020 KALA RAVI

Lockdown Realizations

We've been in lockdown for quite a while now, to save ourselves and others.

The lockdown will eventually be lifted and we may look back at this time as the best or the worst time of our lives. The time that we took to reset our body, mind and soul or time we wasted on unproductive actions and thoughts. Time we took to reconnect old ties, forge new ones or time we bled on relentless con-calls and news marathons. Time we took to bring out smiles or time spent crying over endless chores. It all depends on how you look at it. 

Some lockdown realizations that come to mind, 

That you are a better maid than your maid.
That the kitchen sink and laundry bag are bottomless pits connected to everlasting bounties of unwashed vessels and clothes.
That the satisfaction of ticking off a chore from your list is rather short-lived.
That you can now fully empathize with your maid when she wants to take two-day weekly offs.
That some chores like dusting and reorganizing cupboards are best left unattended.
That you have aced the art of selective blindness, deafness and postponement.
That the day with chores is longer than the night of rest.

That all things you shopped for earlier, were non-essentials.
That your wardrobe needs an upheaval post-lockdown to more free-flowing dresses on the lines of the nightie.
That the message, "Slots Open now" on the online grocery shopping app can make you go berserk with joy.
That you can regale audiences with narratives from your visit to the kirana dukaan.

That you can never have enough stock of snacks, in-between eats.
That the time you spend cooking a treat is roughly ten times the time it takes to polish it off.
That the more cooking videos you watch, the lesser you cook.
That the onset of con-calls is synchronized to the whistle of the pressure cooker or the roar of the mixie.
That seeing packets of oregano and chilli flakes will bring out tears of nostalgia.

That the better-half is awesome at certain chores and all that's needed to get him to do them, is to keep telling him that.
That hearing, "Dishes are done", can be a real turn-on.
That hearing, "What's for dinner?", can open up your third eye.
That a WFH1 husband is a punishment for a SAH1 wife.
That you will never again crib about the better-half not spending enough time at home.
That it is a good thing you never had lengthy conversations with the super-busy better-half in all these years. 

That you can create a permanent dent on the couch binge-watching web series.
That no amount of domestic chores are going to balance out the LB3.
That those oil paints and canvases will see the light of day when they are taken to the trash.
That the Zoom Yoga sessions always collide with your nap time or putting up your legs time.
That the thing you need to do most is less interesting than the most flippant activity you ever undertook. 
That your greys will give you no respite, lockdown or otherwise.
That video chats remind you to look at the mirror more often.

That the offspring makes for an ideal lab-rat to test out your hitherto hidden skills as a baker, beautician, barber, labour supervisor, jail warden etc.
That teens at home all day are easy to handle if you've experience dealing with grizzly bears.

That it is trendy to endlessly crib about lockdown blues while endlessly posting lockdown DIY clicks.
That WA university has a larger following than Wikipedia.
That you've have watched more news and tweeted more than you ever thought possible.
That the light at the end of this dark tunnel may actually be a fiery furnace.
That the government doesn't always fail people, sometimes people fail themselves.
That the "masks" people wear are no longer only virtual.

And strangest of all,
That your life hasn't really altered that much from what it was BC4. 

1 WFH - Work From Home

2 SAH - Stay at Home 

3 LB - lockdown bulges

4 BC - Before Corona

kirana dukaan - grocery store

So dear friends, how are you holding up? Do share your lockdown realizations. 

And Stay Safe :)

Copyright © 2020 KALA RAVI